The Joy of My Life

I have always had the innate desire to have children, I just never knew how much joy would come from it.

Isn't it funny how our plans aren't always Heavenly Father's plans? His always are much, much better. Like Logan and I had this plan, that we would wait a year or two to have children after we married, but to have our first son almost a year to the day we got married...MUCH better plan! Now that's not to say we didn't plan out our pregnancy, because we did. Having him wasn't an "accident", it just wasn't originally what we had in mind.

So a month after we had been married and we moved to Alabama, I started getting baby hungry...scratch that...baby starving! My desire to have a baby went from like 7/10 (because I LOVE babies) to like 99. All of a sudden it was so real, we could have a baby! I started dropping little hints to Logan, for maybe like one day. And then I just told him how badly I wanted a baby, because subtlety has never been one of my strong suits. So it went from talking about it (and me planning every detail of how it would all work out in my head) to me asking him, to begging him and all the while trying to convince him how great an idea it was! Now none of this is to say that Logan didn't want a baby, he just didn't want one so soon. And in the male mind getting pregnant means having a baby like tomorrow, not nine months from now. But more than anything I wanted Logan to be "ready" or OK with us getting pregnant too, so I would like to say I waited patiently, but nonetheless I waited. Not much later he said yes and after our first try we got pregnant!!! I had no idea what a blessing it would be for me to have this sweet boy in my life at the time he came. 

Pregnancy is not easy for anyone, even if you aren't deathly ill the entire time or get many of the other difficult side effects, it is still uncomfortable and your body goes through so many changes so fast, it's hard to be confident and comfortable in your own skin. And not to mention the hormones that make you feel completely out of control...yeah pregnancy is hard. I didn't have awful morning sickness or get super huge, but I was so sore! Oh and let me say that nesting is a real thing. I mean you seriously have no control when by the end all you want to do is rest but you can't sleep and your drive to get things done is like NOS to a race car. And amidst all my aches and pains and tiredness and lack of desire to do much more than eat chocolate chip cookies and watch Netflix all day, I was trying to prepare myself to use self hypnosis for my labor and delivery (this is using your mind to put your body in a state of relaxation and numbness while thinking of every contraction as a positive thing bringing your baby closer to birth). 

Well Labor Day came (and I'm not talking about the first Monday in September...) and I was so ready for this baby to get here! I could tell about 11:00 pm Thursday night that the baby would be here the next day. I started having contractions, not super consistent, but they were there. So I tried to get a few things done around the house. Then I fell asleep for a couple hours, but they started getting a little stronger so I couldn't sleep. I got all the last minute items for our hospital bags, I did the dishes, took out the trash and put a little make up on. All the while Logan was sleeping soundly haha. Well Logan got up to get ready and go to work and I told him to go ahead and go since I didn't know how long all of it would take. He left and my mom came over a little bit later (she had gotten into town a couple days before and was staying at Logan's aunts house up the driveway). We got everything loaded up and headed into town because our plans for the day were to take my mother-in-law and brother-in-law to the airport so they could go to a business conference in New Jersey. I sure felt bad that they were going to miss Corbin's birth, but it all worked out. Since we were already in town we went to my doctor so they could check me to see how I was progressing. I wanted to find the balance of not getting to the hospital too early, but not getting there too late either. At this point my contractions were every 5 minutes and getting stronger. I got into the doctor and when they checked me I was 2 cm...I was thinking "You've got to be kidding me!" Well when the doctor was checking me, she felt a little body part brush against her finger. Of course we were hoping that was a hand, but they did and ultra sound and it was his foot - he was breach. So next thing you know they are wheeling me to the hospital side (thankfully my doctor is connected to the hospital) and prepping me for a C-Section. I was a little bit in shock and just wanted Logan to get there in time. He did and that was comforting, but those dang contractions weren't! They were so uncomfortable and all that self hypnosis, breathing stuff went out the window since none of that mattered anymore. On top of all the pain, I had to get stabbed 3 times before they could find a vein for my IV. And let me try to explain how much I hate needles, I HATE THEM. I was more worried about getting an IV than actually having a baby. Which also meant an epidural was out of the question (which now I actually believe I would have gotten one because I am a big baby when it comes to pain). So when I got the spinal block (almost the exact same thing as an epidural) I was freaking out and it seriously hurt. But I LOVED how quickly it took and I was completely numb in like under a minute. Logan watched the entire thing as they brought Corbin into the world! Everything happened really quickly and next thing I know I hear his cry - that was the most beautiful sound I've ever heard! When they laid him next to my face I was so emotionally overcome, that was the moment I had been waiting for. I was so ready to meet him and make all the pain worth it. And of course I fell head over heels in love. 

Corbin Blake Huffstutler was born at 11:49 am on May 27, 2016. 

6 lbs 5 oz, 19.5" long.

My recovery was smooth and the last 5 months have flown by. Logan was very worried I would have postpartum depression, and honestly I was a little bit too. I had been struggling with sadness for a while before he was born, and didn't want my hormones sending me spiraling. A week or two after I had him and we were home and settled Logan asked me how I was feeling. I thought back on that past week and realized I was happier than I had felt in a while, I felt great! Being Corbin's mom is truly a source of joy for me. I love everything about him! I love watching him grow and his personality develop. I love how strong he his both spiritually and physically. I can tell his little spirit is bursting from the seams in his tiny body. I love how he smiles and giggles and talks and how he holds my face in his hands to get a kiss. I love how he looks into my soul and knows I am his mother. He is my little miracle and I love him more than I thought I could ever love. So here is a public thank you to my husband for helping me bring our angel into the world and being an amazing father, and to Corbin for being the joy of my life.

Our Love Story

I always said I wanted to have a cool story to share of how I met my husband; and I have to say I think our story is a pretty great one.

How We Met

Logan is a good ole Alabama Boy. He was raised in the same area as his Dad and his Pawpaw (that's pronounced how it's spelled :)). So how did this Southern boy meet this Western girl? Well I served an 18 month mission in Alabama and Mississippi (which is another amazing story for a different time). I served in Logan's church branch for 6 weeks, while he was in Idaho about to be married. He ended up breaking off that engagement and his first Sunday home was my last Sunday in that area. We met while moving chairs from one Sunday activity to the next. Many people have asked us if it was love at first sight, and it definitely was not. He was not interested in any girl, especially not a sister missionary, and I just felt bad for him! So I left Locust Fork, AL thinking I would never see him nor many of the people there again. 

Fast forward to when I returned home from my mission 6 months later, I logged on to my Facebook account for the first time in a year and a half and I started adding anyone I could find from my mission. As I began to add the Huffstutlers, Logan's name popped up on my suggested friends. I never knew what would come of sending him a friend request. That happened on a Thursday evening and Saturday afternoon I got a FB message from the one and only Logan Huffstutler! I was surprised, nervous and a little excited. Once we shared that we both would be attending BYU in three weeks, we began to chat everyday. First we sent FB messages, then texts and then phone calls. By the time I got to Provo I couldn't wait to see him! My first night there we went out on a date and have been inseparable every since :)

Dating the Man of My Dreams (and how I knew Logan was that man)

That was the best and most unproductive semester of school! We were so enamored with each other that we barely focused on our school work. It took days for me to love him and just a few days more to know I wanted to marry him. Life was perfect...but I almost let him and our love go. After a few weeks of dating and hopeful plans for our future I began to have fear and anxiety. Now let me explain...for many people just a few weeks of knowing someone certainly does not constitute for talk of marriage, therefore there shouldn't have been any fear of that prospect. But from the beginning we were both very prayerful in our decision to date. I had had such a strong feeling that I had found the best man in the world for me. But I was so afraid it would not turn out. That is because I, like Logan had broken off an engagement in the past. I thought that man was someone I could spend a happy eternity with, and maybe we could have, but during our engagement I knew Heavenly Father had bigger plans for me. So I followed those answers to prayer and broke it off. So this time around, though there was a night and day difference in our relationship, I was so afraid I would be prompted to break off an engagement again. I couldn't do that to Logan or to myself. I wanted to know without a shadow of a doubt this man was the one for me, before we got engaged. 

Now again for anyone reading this who has never been in a similar situation or who hasn't been engaged or married, you might have a false understanding of what being engaged means. I thought it was nearly binding. Before I broke off that first engagement I kept rationalizing that I already agreed to marry him, but being engaged and being married is not the same thing. The time a couple is engaged is still a testing period before a marriage. And at the end of the day I was not, and still am not willing to make eternal promises with someone or about something that is not the BEST thing for me and my future. So why wouldn't I receive a clear, black and white answer to the man I should become engaged with? Faith. Heavenly Father had already been blessing me with good feelings. He was giving me everything I needed to make the next step. Sometimes you have to walk a little bit into the dark before you will be given more light. The anxiety and fear was not from Heavenly Father, that came from myself and was enhanced by the power of Satan. (I believe that Satan works hardest against those preparing for missions and marriage because both cases affect generations to come). But I also think Heavenly Father allowed me to have those feelings so, 1. I could better rely on Him, and 2. so that I could better understand those who struggle with feelings of anxiety. I now can empathize with them because I have felt it myself. 

Another thing I know to be true about our Father in heaven is that He wants to be apart of our lives and direct us for good, but He will not make every choice for us. That is such a blessing and part of our learning experience here on earth, but it can also be frustrating! I just wanted Him to tell me if I should marry Logan. Why couldn't He just give me that answer? But then again, why would I expect Heavenly Father to choose who I want to be with forever. So after much struggling, I came to the conclusion that I had to choose for myself. It only took me a moment to realize that I would never find someone else in the world more perfect for me. Sure I might meet a man who was smarter, or one who was taller, or one who was stronger, etc. But would I find a man who had ALL of Logan's amazing qualities and more? I don't think so! Logan is the perfect package! (Sorry ladies ;)). After I made that choice, our life together has been wonderful without a moment of doubt. 

The Proposal

This part of our story is very indicative of both our personalities. Once I knew he was the one, I was anxious to hurry up and be engaged so we could hurry up and get married and start the rest of our lives together! We looked at rings in AZ for Valentines Day when we spent the weekend with my family (so Logan could ask my Dad if he could marry me). We decided on a couple we both liked, but ultimately I wanted Logan to choose it. So from that day I tried to forget about it (YA RIGHT!) and let things happen in their own timing. Poor Logan couldn't go buy the ring without me knowing because we spent every waking moment together when we weren't in school. So I knew the day he went and got it. That was a Thursday, and of course I was ready for him to pop the question that night. But he didn't. The next day I didn't want to do anything. I didn't want to leave the house or go anywhere without that ring on my finger (funny how a silly ring seals the engagement deal). Logan noticed I was acting a little funny and I finally busted it and said I just wanted to be engaged already! He asked if I could be patient for just a little longer and promised I wouldn't have to wait for much more time. At that point I knew I was being ridiculous and I also suspected he would ask me the next day because we had plans to go the the Salt Lake Temple. So I decided to just wait, as best I could, and forget about it (again...YA RIGHT!). After work I picked Logan up from his job at the Missionary Training Center (MTC) and we had plans that night to double with one of my friends and her boyfriend. As we were leaving the MTC Logan told me to pull into the Provo Temple parking lot (across the street) so we could hang out there for a few minutes before we were to meet up with my friend. He said he hadn't been there for years and wanted to walk around. So we got out and were enjoying the night, he pointed out how pretty the moon was (now I know it was all a distraction haha). I said "Ya that is pretty" and took a couple steps to keep walking and noticed he wasn't walking with me. I turned around and he was down on one knee with the ring...YES!!!! I was actually surprised and SO EXCITED! All he had to do was ask and I said yes, Yes, YES! Again it's so funny how a silly ring and the formal question (even though we both knew the answer) makes an engagement legitimate, but it felt wonderful :)  I was able to go on that double date as an engaged woman and we took some pictures the next day at the Salt Lake Temple where he originally had intended to pop the question (like I suspected) but he sped things up because he knew I didn't want to wait a moment longer. So there you have it, I am the inpatient one and Logan does everything he can to make me happy <3

The Wedding

We were engaged February 20th and were married May 30th, just over three months later. That was and still is one of the best days of my life. Our ceremony was simple, beautiful and eternal as we were sealed by my Grandpa for time and all eternity in the Mesa Arizona Temple. I cried tears of joy and I felt more love for Logan than I ever had up to that point. 

Our reception was a big party as I hoped it would be. I spent the night dancing and laughing, I was SO happy!! It truly was everything I ever dreamed of and hoped for. Everyone warned me that something would go wrong that day, but not to let it worry me...honestly if anything went wrong I still do not know of it to this day. It was perfect!!

How We Moved to Alabama 

The next day we drove up to Sedona for our honeymoon and had a very enjoyable and relaxing couple of days. While we were there I was imagining our future together and I was feeling so much love (I never knew it was possible to love someone so much). At this point we had an apartment in AZ and had plans to live there for a while, if not forever. As I was day dreaming of our future I thought to myself, "I love this man so much, I would go anywhere to be with him!" And in that moment I had the inspired thought come to my mind that we should move to Alabama. I wrestled with that thought the entire day. I love Alabama, it is where I served my mission, but I didn't want to leave my family and everything familiar to me and move there! 

That night I was about to burst from the seams, I couldn't hold it in or deny it any longer. After being married only two days I broke down crying in our bed. I can only imagine what Logan must have been thinking as his new wife was sobbing on our honeymoon haha. He asked me what was wrong and I exclaimed, "We have to move to Alabama!" He was pleasantly surprised, though he didn't let it show at the time. And from then on I continued to be prayerful and came to the conclusion that that was where we were meant to be and all the plans to move across the country and live here fell into place. I am forever grateful for my loving, sensitive husband who desperately wanted to end up in AL but never forced it on me and let me come to that conclusion on my own. He knew and Heavenly Father knew I had to make that decision myself. And Heavenly Father knew I would be open to that inspiration after we were married and I would follow that man anywhere. 

Moving was the hardest thing I have ever had to do up to this point in my life. This past year has been filled with sadness and loneliness. There are so many things I miss about Arizona, my family being the largest one, and I will always have a special place in my heart for the west, the desert and even the dry heat. But Alabama has become my home. I love the trees, the green, the big clouds and I am starting to not mind the rain. I love the blossoms in the spring and the leaves in the fall. I love the people and their big hearts. I love the Huffstutler family, they are not just "in-laws" to me, they are my family. And most of all I love my husband, Logan Blake Huffstutler. 

Logan is sweet and strong, he is loving and kind. He is not perfect, but I love everything about him, including his imperfections. I love how even though he may get impatient with others or things in life, he is perfectly patient with me. I have never met, nor will I meet someone who treats me as wonderfully as he does. I am so glad I have forever with him because he is everything in the world to me. 

  

HELLO

Everyone has a story and I am choosing to share mine to perhaps help others and relate to the world. Because in the end, we have nothing to offer each other but our stories. 

My story doesn't start from the beginning and I doubt there will ever be an "end". I think I'll just start right here in my life, where I'm at right now... I'm the wife to the most amazing man, Logan, and the mom to the sweetest baby boy, Corbin. We live in a little town north of Birmingham, AL where we are surrounded by Logan's family.  

This has been a year full of excitement, new things, challenges, happiness, sadness and everything in between! Moving to Alabama was the hardest and best decision I have ever made. It was the hardest because I left my family and everything familiar to me in Arizona. It was the best because it has made my marriage stronger and following the Lord's will is ALWAYS the best! I'll share the entire story of how my husband and I met and how we ended up in Alabama, but for right now we are here and its beginning to feel like home. 

I say beginning because I think a part of me will always miss Arizona and especially seeing my family often, but I visited last week and it was a different feeling than when I would visit in the past. We have lived here since last July and we went to AZ for my brothers wedding over Thanksgiving weekend and again for a week after Christmas. Both times leaving was the hardest thing! I cried and I felt so sad inside. Most of my first year living in AL was full of tears and sadness. I spent many days alone while Logan worked or went to school. My job was up the driveway in Aunt Carol Anne's basement helping my mother-in-law with her soap business (Southern Natural Soap...it's the best!). So the only times I saw people outside of the family was my weekly trip to the grocery store or at church on Sundays (which is a tiny branch with no one else our age or in the same stage of life). But although I have felt more loneliness and perhaps some mild depression in the past year, I know I am stronger because of it. I have learned a couple things, it is good to be comfortable with yourself and to find time to be with YOU, but too much alone time is not healthy either. I also understand the importance of truly depending on your spouse and creating a family with him. He is my favorite person to be with! I honestly could spend all day, every day with him and not get bored of it. 

That immense heartache and those tears of sadness are no longer there, I've known it since we moved here over a year ago that this would be where we lived for many years to come, but now I can feel it becoming my home, the place I am excited to get back to and the place I want to raise our family.